Tomorrow is my 6th out of 8 Chemo treatments – so this means I will be 75% done by tomorrow night – yeah! One month from today is going to be my last treatment. They do a little celebration song in the infusion room when you finish your last treatment, so I am looking forward to that on Friday, October 21st :).
So, I haven’t written lately but I’m still here, just unmotivated :). I have been sleeping a lot (10-12 hours a night) and so it seems that half of my day is gone by the time I get going. I have been working part time (20 hours a week) and this has been good but challenging. I went back to work because at the beginning of Chemo I felt so much better than what I had heard it would be like. Now, 3 months into it, I think it is catching up to me a little more. But I still think it could be a lot worse than it is, so I am thankful for this.
For those who have asked, I will share some of the challenges – the fatigue and just general lack of energy and motivation are the biggest. I also have some digestive issues and get random stomach aches and bloating for no apparent reason. The extreme body aches have stopped but I have pain where my incisions are off and on throughout the day. My skin seems to be hyper sensitive and itchy too. Oh, and did I mention that I miss my hair and sadly my eyelashes that are on their way out? I thought about using Latisse to help them grow back and then decided my body is sensitive enough right now, I don’t need any added issues :). I do however, still have some eyebrows and chin hair – LOL.
As I deal with all these crazy side effects, sometimes it is very hard to feel His spirit as I go about my day – since the body, mind and spirit are so connected. When I don’t feel great – which is pretty much every day right now, it is easy to wonder if I am still in tune spiritually and if I am really being watched over. The past week has been filled with some small miracles that have helped me understand that God is truly aware of me and what I need. I am grateful that even when I feel alone I am not. I am so thankful to know He is there as well as so many of you who care. The quote on my chemo countdown chain seems appropriate:
“Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.” - Jeffery R. Holland
Amy, we hear you. We're praying right along side you. Please know that on these dark days and dark nights, that we stand by you. I hope you can believe me when I say, you can't even EVER imagine how good you're going to feel when this is over. Right now, it seems bleak and that "wondering if you're still in tune" is simply the "disconnectedness" of chemo brain. That's very real, and very foggy, that's all that is. You will get better and that fog will lift. It takes time, but please know we are with you on this, every step of the way. LOVE YOU.
ReplyDeleteAmy! So good to read this update! I appreciate how real and honest you are. I support your decision to wait on the latisse for now! ;) no use helping them to grow if they are just going to fall out again! Be well! Danalee
ReplyDeleteAmy, You are so awesome. Way to have an attitude of faith even in rough times.
ReplyDeleteLet's go play soon!
Wow Amy, I feel so bad you are lacking your usual self. I know that during hard times there seems to be no apparent light. But things are about to get better real soon. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. xo -j
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