Monday, March 26, 2012

Just Keep Swimming . . .

I have had a lot of ups and downs over the past month since I last wrote.  I am feeling better from the surgery I had in February and my hair is still coming in strong - pictures coming soon :).  There are still lingering side effects from chemo that I am trying to figure out (hot and cold flashes, foggy brain and some tingling/dizziness/aching in my hands, feet and sometimes head.  There are times when it is difficult to drive and so I feel blessed that friends have been kind enough to chauffeur me around town.  I have had my share of sadness and discouragement from the frustration that my life is not quite back to normal yet.  But then I remember that I have my life and it is mine to live and create whatever I decide I will do with it.  
Today I saw his beautiful video that shows how Derek Redmond refused to give up after it became apparent that something he had worked long and hard for would not be fulfilled - at least not the way he had originally envisioned.  I am thankful for people like him who inspire me to keep going even when I feel like giving up.
It reminds me a lot of my situation and the way my my mother has stood by me and been there to carry me when the pain was too much for me to bear alone.  I know that there is another who is also there to carry me as I continue on this path toward wholeness.  I know He is there, even when I don’t remember or acknowledge Him.  


  1. just takes time. You are doing so well, and I understand totally the loss you have to be feeling. Chemo tends to kill some dreams, and illuminate other good dreams.
    'Normal' is something you need to process. You have a new normal, and soon it will be a wonderful NEW normal. Please sweetie, give yourself the time it takes to process this fully. In time, you'll be able to express and grieve what cancer took from you, but you will also be able to rejoice fully in what cancer has given you! Having been up and down that hill, it's hard to realize that coming "down the hill" is also difficult. Different muscles hurt...the knees the ends of your toes and your back, etc. New and different aches and pains are going to accompany coming down the hill, until it levels out. It can be very metaphoric (allegoric? sorry, that chemo-fog lasts a while..I can't think of the word...) Anyway, look forward to conference and the words of hope that will fill your soul. I'm right there with you girl. You can do ARE doing this, and you're doing a wonderful job. I know it's hard, trust me. We all stand with you, for you.

  2. Amy, I had no idea you were going through this. I am so sorry. I will pray for your health and strength to return. You have always had a spiritual glow. I felt like angels were surrounding you the last time I saw you. I love your Mom and am glad she can be there for you. Give her my best. Christine Day

  3. Hang in there, Amy. My oncologist says that it takes up to a year to have chemo side effects lessen. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will emerge a stronger, healthier, and more vibrant woman that you already are! You are such a source of inspiration to so many of us and we love you for it.

  4. I am grateful that you share your difficulties. I don't have near the facility with words that you do; but you express some of the frustration I've felt with my situation (with the knee and the back) and it re-aligns my thinking and gives me hope. Thank you! I pray that you have peace.

  5. Thanks everyone - you're words mean more than you know!

    1. Oops - I really am a grammar freak, I meant your!!!