Monday, October 3, 2011

Fight Like a Girl!

“It ain't about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit, and how much you can take, and keep moving forward.”  - Rocky Balboa 

It feels like it’s been awhile since I’ve written much.  I have had some good days and bad days since my last post. 

Saturday I went to the Susan G. Komen Survivors Lunch, where I got to meet some amazing people who have fought a much more challenging battle than I have known.  It was very touching to be in a room filled with survivors, to hear their stories and realize more than ever that I am not in this alone.  Despite my reluctance, my wonderful, survivor friend Thessaly persuaded me to go - she spoke along with a couple of others. 

One story that touched me deeply was from a young girl who was diagnosed when she was only 15 years old - wow!  Even though I don't know her, I have an incredible amount of love and respect for her.  I can now understand a little more how many who do not know me, have called me amazing.  Until today, I thought they were just saying this to be nice, but now I know that when you see someone going through something you hope to never experience, you are amazed at how they can get through it. 

Friday was a really great day, for a few hours I was free from most of the issues I have been having from chemo.  I even did some retail therapy to find some new clothes that will fit my body that is under construction. I’ve only gained a few pounds but my body feels so uncomfortable most of the time and so I always feel like I have nothing to wear.  Anything that is the least bit snug drives me crazy – I am pretty much living in sweats right now.

After shopping and dinner with a friend, I made it home to relax.  As I was reading the scriptures I felt much more connected spiritually than I have in awhile.  Sometimes it is hard to feel the love that God has for us but that doesn't mean he doesn't.  It is also hard to feel close to anyone when we don't talk to or see them.  When I was on my mission to Ontario, Canada back in 1993, I often felt disconnected from family and friends - because I WAS disconnected by not talking to or seeing them.  But that didn't make them any less real or wonderful. 

With the veil that has been placed over our minds, we cannot remember and often do not feel connected to God.  But I know that as we continue to call upon him in prayer and read His words through the prophets in the scriptures, we will feel a peace and know that we are not alone to wander in the wilderness below without His guidance.  I am so grateful to have this knowledge.  I am so blessed to have people in my life who live in a way that testifies of the Lord's love for all of us. 

“God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”  -Spencer W. Kimball

Thank you to so many of you who have and continue to be an answer to mine.  Although I’m on the home stretch, I still need your prayers.  I struggle daily to deal with the side effects of fatigue, tingling hands and feet, hot flashes and chills, head and overall body sensitivity as well as the drastic change in my appearance.  BUT I am thankful that my fight is still so much easier than it could be and for the wonderful people who are supporting me along the way – you have no idea how much your kindness means!


  1. AMY! This is a WONDERFUL and excellent real example of the reality of what you're going through. GOOD JOB, and you are KICKIN' CANCER TO THE CURB. I'm so happy that you got to "Meet" my little friend Morgan Watson. She is really something. :) I knew I'd regret not going to the survivor luncheon! I had so much on my plate, but should have gone, just to introduce the two of you and also to give you "soft, soft" hugs and whisper in your ear that it IS going to get better (do you believe me yet?) I didn't believe anyone when they told me. I'm glad you talked about the disconnectedness. That's very normal and frankly, quite typical of chemo brain, eventhough it's very unpleasant. You'll have time to reconnect later, and you won't feel much like connecting until probably a year after your last chemo. On Oct 21st it will be my one year (since last chemo) and I can honestly say that these foreign objects once so foreign, actually feel like they are mine, all the update procedures (do them!) are all designed to help and you ARE rocking it! I thought I'd have to accept a new "low". That is NOT acceptable. Remember that conference talk last year? It's true, you will be better and you will be FANTASTIC. Hang in there Amy. This IS the hard part. I'm so so very proud of you, and so very lucky to "virtually" know you.
    I should have come. OH, I saw you on the show tonight. FANTASTIC clips about dating in Utah. LOVED IT. So cute and funny. Amy, keep your chin up. Plow through. It's the only way. There is a beautiful meadow up yonder and all us survivors are waiting there for you with big hugs. You are going to make it, we'll make sure of it. :)

  2. Amy Lou - wouldn't want to meet yOu in a boxing ring! I've seen how tough you are! ;). You go girl!

    Had a couple peoPle tell me they saw you on tv! They wanted me to be sure to tell you how great you lOoked and I agree!

    Two more to go sista! You can do it! Just think by Halloween you'll be out trick o treatin like nothin ever happened!

    Love ya

  3. Linda, you have been so kind through this whole process - thank you just doesn't seem like enough! And Bean, thank you for fighting right along with me! Yea, like nothin', except for the baldness- we need to think of a great Halloween costume to take advantage of it :). Love you girl!